33. Things to keep and not to keep ( This one from one of my best friend)
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Sunday, June 30, 2013
33. Things to keep.....and not to keep
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
32. Find the purpose....and find motivation
32. Find Purpose:
‘Find purpose’ is a very wide term used in general terminology.
There are three aspects of finding the purpose.
1. Find
the purpose of others behavior.
2. Find
the purpose of your set backs/adversity.
3. Find
the purpose of your life.
1.
We are generally unhappy with the behavior of our close
relatives. The more closer/intimate the relationship, the more you are hurt by
their slightest rough behavior. What you have to do is to find the purpose in the behavior
rather that the method.
When I was studying in
the school I used to remain very much unhappy with one of my teacher who used
to give lot of home work. One day my father explained it to me that it is good
for you to do more home work. You will become expert in mathematics by doing
good amount of practice.
“It is like talking a bitter
medicine for your health.” He continued to explain it to me.
I do not remember
whether I understood this advice or not. However, if I look back at this, I am convinced
that, it has made my career as an engineer. Now I could understand that, what
is required to be observed is the purpose behind any action and not the process
of doing it.
2. When some adversity
strikes, you may feel overwhelmed by this situation. The most difficult part
here is to find the purpose in adversity. When I had some mood swings ten years
back. I was literally overwhelmed by it, leave aside finding the purpose. But
now, as I look back, I feel it has given me immense wisdom and clear attitude
towards the problems. I am in fact, proud of the fact that, I have privilege of
having, first hand experience of what I meant by ‘mood swing’. All the
techniques mentioned here in this booklet are tested for months together before
it reaches you. These are not the words of some books taken directly to show knowledge
over the issue. It has in fact, given an idea to help others who are struggling
to come out of their shell and tame the monster within.
Almost all social organizations, those who help others in
crisis are outcome of some person/s efforts who has found a purpose in his own
adversity. An extension of finding such purpose may lead to purpose of
life.
When we say that, purpose of life is liberation no body knows
what it actually mean to be liberated. To the best of my knowledge, forgetting
your own problems, helping others and while doing so to remain blissful is liberation,
a true liberation.
Find
the purpose at all levels.
Find
the purpose in adverse condition, you are in today.....and find motivation.
Friday, June 21, 2013
31. Know what you want and what you don't want...........find for yourself
31. Know what you want and what you don’t want.
It happens sometimes, that you are not actually aware of
what do you ultimately want in life. Similarly we are often not aware about the
feeling that, we want to avoid at all cost. After a lot of soul searching It
dawn upon me that, each incidence that bothered me had two things in common.
Either I wanted to achieve certain thing or I wanted to avoid certain thing.
Either I did not want certrain event to occur at all or wanted it to occur in
the way I wanted it to happen.
Some of the negative feelings I strongly avoided are
Guilt and worry. What I ready wanted is bliss all time and controls over the
situation.(rather a feeling of control over the issue.)
Once I found out this fact, I would than test each
bothering event on this scale. If I am
ready to accept all that would come but not Guilt and worry, question of Guilt and
worry immediately disappears. If bliss and control were two things that I wanted
at any cost then why bother for some issue, spoiling my bliss and feeling of
control.
Find out for yourself, which feelings, you want to avoid
at all cost and which feelings you would like at any cost. Draw a line and
measure every event on this scale.
It is however, not as easy as it appears. It sometimes
happens that, both these things makes your decision impossible. Supposing what
you want in life is money and what you want to avoid is ‘dishonesty’. Now, if you
are offered a bribe for some favors, you are in deep trouble. You can not
decide between ‘money’ and ‘dishonesty’.
Know it for sure, that, feeling of fear is far more stronger
than feeling of joy. In such situation make choice of what you do not want at
any cost. However, if I want is ‘money’ and what I do not want is ‘poverty’, I
have no problem taking bribe- rather I would be glad while doing this.
It is very much necessary to decide first what you do not
want at any cost and what you want at any cost. It is necessary to resolve such
conflicts quickly before they spoil your mood, and make you brood over the
issue day long and sometimes even days together.
Find out what you will stand for and what you will not
support at any cost.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
30. Do pranayam(Deep Breathing)...........feel at ease
30. Do pranayames (Deep breathing.) ……..feel at ease
In a laymen’s term prannayam is a process of deep
breathing.
Time and again I have noticed that, whenever I feel
stressed my breathing pattern is not normal. The breathing becomes shallow and
rapid.My jaws are tight and my first is clinched.
There are two types of nerves in our body. One taking
order from brains to various muscles i.e. sympathetic and other one which return
message from muscles to the brain i.e. parasympathetic nerve. We do not have full
control on sympathetic nerves, however we can manipulate parasympathetic
nerves.
When you become tense your breathing pattern is first to
be affected. It become shallow and rapid. This deprives you of your oxygen
requirement and intern make you more tense, because brain requires maximum oxygen
in our body. Thus, the sympathetic nerves are activated making you tense. Now suppose,
you deliberately manipulate the breathing pattern, it send the message to the
brain that, everything is normal. The tension is thus eased out.
The process of taking deep breathing deliberately is
known as Pranayam. It was devised by the ancient saints as a mandatory method
of God realization and spirituality. Regular practice of deep breathing can relive you of your
mood swings, slowly but certainly.
Without going into any complicated pranayam, you can do
simplest deep breathing. Sit down cross legged or on a chair get yourself comfortable
and relaxed. Be aware of your breathing pattern, slowly take in air inhale
through both nostrils, hold for a second (only), and exhale slowly through both
nostrils. Pause for a second and start the cycle again. If you can feel coolness
of the air going in and warmness of air coming out, the results will be
wonderful. Do this for five minutes only at the start and go up to 15 minutes
in three months time, start deep breathing the bliss do Pranayams.
This is age old technique devised by ancient Indian saints
Do pranayam (Deep breathing)............feel at ease
Sunday, June 9, 2013
30. Act as if..........and feel like a king
29. Act as if……………
My younger son is afraid of entering in a dark room
alone, unless there is light or some one accompanying him he will not enter in
to the dark room. The other day he said, “Papa I am selected to act in a drama ”
Alexander the Great and I want to rehearse my dialogues in front of you”. "ok,start ' I said.After few minutes he missed one line and required his notebook, where in the dialogues
were written. “Go, get it” I said, he went in the room and get his notebook.
“How come you are not afraid, while bringing this note
book ?.” I asked.
“Well,” he replied “you know, I am Alexander the Great,
right now.”
I liked this idea so much
that. I started using it for my own practice to preserve bliss all through the
day.
Acting as if you were so and so…….. Or acting as if you
are in your best form, acting as if you are on top of the world, all these will
relieve your pain immediately. What you do here is deny your routine negative
thought, any entry in to our brain by saying” “I am different.” Acting as if
you are a child and have profound joy and bliss will shift your focus from the existing
problems. Knowing well, your are only acting and that, you can get back to your
stress and bad moods as and when they resurface will give you free access to true
bliss.
It is however, to be noted here that, acting as if should
not be harmful to anybody else, or it should not violate general law of land
and ethic. Acting as if you are king of kings does not mean, you can kick any
body walking on the road. It is used only to control and tame your inner monster
and not for any other purpose.
Start with only fifteen minutes “Acting as if…….” Session
and you can increase up to one hour a day. A ward of caution has……” Acting as
if…….” Does not mean you have to drop all work that you are supposed to do as
per your duties and only act. Believe and feel intensely “As if……..” and do
your duties as usual.
Act now, act as if……………and feel like a king.
Friday, June 7, 2013
29. Do not compare........smile and move on
28. Don’t Compare:
It is a general tendency of a person to compare himself
with the person facing him. The psychology was perhaps acquired from the
ancient times of stone age when man wandered in Jungles. Whenever he faced any
creature or another man he used to evaluate his potential with the other
creature. In case of a dual fright this was very much necessary. Perhaps the
only tool of survival was this compression and than to decide about fighting or
running away form the scene.
This psychology still persists. These is, probably, no
need to evaluate the opposing person when you simply face him – forget about a bout
of boxing. If you are too stressed and anxious you switch in the defensive mode
and try to compare each and ever person with yourself and ultimately drag
yourself down emotionally.
Some people, however, do it so rigorously that, they
immediately feel superior or inferior to the opposing person. If you happen to
be a person who have tendency to evaluate yourself below the opposing person,
you will immediately feel a negative surge. In some people, it is however, so
strong that they feel that is a question of life and death to face another
person. What is shyness by the way? A person who constantly feels inferior to
other is termed as a shy person. However, a soft spoken person is not necessarily
a shy person, on the contrary he may be quite confident. Facing a group or
public speaking makes at list 99% person feel uneasy.
How do you interpret when you are on dais facing a group
of people. It is evaluated as if a man-in jungle facing a group of hunter dogs
in front of him. The only way is to run away and this psychology does not allow
you to speak in public despite you are fully prepared to deliver the
topic/presentation.
Jealousy is also a part of such comparison. If you find some
one better than you in any field, you are unhappy, because you could not reach
there.
Whenever you found yourself comparing yourself with some
one else and feeling inferior or superior, say ‘stop’ to your self. Every time
you catch yourself comparing yourself with others ask certain question to
yourself. If required, write down the answer to each question.
1.
Are we not both sons of God, the almighty?
2.
Am I not good enough in any field?
3.
Is it not that, every one has been allotted seperate jobs?
4.
Is it like asking my eyes to take-up the job of ears
and my ears to take-up the job of my eyes?
5.
Am I ready to exchange all that I have ie job, wealth-
family- health – wealth – intelligence with the opposing person? Why then compare?
You are only one and
hence you can not be compared with anyone in any field.
If you analyze these
questions honestly you can find out that you and anyone else is not comparable.
It is like comparing two separate quantities – say volume and velocity- in
science. So you are neither superior nor inferior to any one else. The ancient criteria
of survival are no more applicable now. You need not fight or runway from the
situation any more, and hence you need not compare.
It is quit likely that, a person who feels mood swing often
is unhappy about his moods. He thinks the other person is happy and do not face
such problems. Don’t be, under wrong impression. There re at least a dozen
problems they are facing right now. It is quite likely that, they believe you
as a happy guy.
Don’t compare......... Smile and
move on.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
28. Moment to moment attention........divert emotions
27. Moment to moment attention:
One of the way to control
emotional outburst either anger, sorrow, gloominess, worry, anxiety is to switch
on logical part of the brain. Though it is not possible to, go logical when
anxiety attacks you in full force. Nevertheless, after first surrender and
faith you can switch on your logical part of the brain to tone down the effect
of emotional storm.
Generally you will not
be able to think anything logical under these circumstances. But there are some
interesting ways to slowly introduce logic. If you have to engage or if you can
engage your attention every moment to something the emotional intensity will
slowly fade away. The emotions gets stronger and stronger if you sit idle and brood
or sit on an armchair doing nothing. This does not mean relaxing on an armchair
brings bad moods but if you already have bad moods it is better to get going
than sitting idle.
Be aware and know it for
sure, that you need to change the focus of your thought immediately.
Following things are
recommended immediately after the attack of emotional storm – of course after
you become aware and after you surrender completely.
- Take up a walkman/ MP-3 Player and go for a long walk. (Not long drive).
- Play out door game with your son/pet.
- Take up a table tennis ball and racket and throw up the ball not allowing it to fall for ten minutes.
- Take up any three digit number say 874 & count speedily backward 873… 872…. 871…. Till you reach number one. The idea here is not allowing your automatic counting response to take over. When you count backward you have to have your attention their every time, making your logic work.
- There is one special pranayam(breathing technique) that can work for you. Take deep breath and say ‘SO’ without making any external noise. Pause for a second and then exhale while exhaling say “hmmmm……’ again without making any external noise. ‘SO’ ‘hummm…..’ ‘soham’ . irrespective of its spiritual benefit what is does is divert your attention to your breath moment to moment. This will ultimately reduce the impact of immaterial storm.
- Recite you mantra. However, please make it sure that, you write the first word of the mantra in air (imagine) whenever you complete one mantra and start the another. This will also make you aware of it every moment and take your attention away from your emotions.
- Play a video game where you have to defend yourself every moment.
- Go to your close friend and talk about how you feel.
- Write down a diary or letter about how you feel. Be sure you finish the note with positive words.
- The most effective way is to surrender to your GURU, whole heartily. Surrender everything that you possess, including your body, your thoughts and your emotions. It is he and only he who could amend your emotions, if your say those emotion are from him only. This idea was taught to me by two ladies from village. One was crying profusely and the other was advising, “look, whenever, it goes beyond your control leave it all to God. Let him amend, if he wants. Let him not if he doesn't wish it be amended."
Engage your self in
moment to moment attention........divert emotions
Saturday, June 1, 2013
27. Help others............feel your worth
26. Help others:
When you are gloomy and
worried about yourself, your future, your family, your health, your financial
status, your career problem, your vision is completely blocked. It is like a
big hillock standing between you and your true vision. In such circumstances
you have two options, either to more the hillock or get yourself away form it.
The later is easy to perform. So shift your attention for the time being to
some one else and come round the hillock to your destination. This does not
mean, however, that, planning your future career, health and financial
independence is bad in any way. There is however, a difference between planning
and brooding. When you truly plan you future four aspect are essentially
involved in it.
(a). You are happy with your present status. However you wants to reach
the higher goals.
(b). You are optimistic of you future goal and visualize vividly the
outcome as positive.
(c). Your are confident of your plan and for that matter your capacity to
execute it.
(d). You are ready, in case it happens so, to take the failure in your stride
and move ahead. This failure may take you below the status from where you have
started. It may also give you some permanent losses.
If these are the ingredients
of your planning there is no problem at all. However, the other side of it is
exactly opposite. You are unhappy today, desperate to get something or avoid
something, anxious and not confident. If this is the way you are planning your future
then STOP.
STOP for sometime and
drop your future altogether. Help others to elevate their present status. Their
present is more worse than your future.
Help others means
helping a needy person in any manner. Spending time, giving same money and
physical energy for others may even lift your present bad moods. However,
please don’t do it for the sake of it or for earning the name and fame. No major
work or huge amount is required here. And empathetic listening to a frustrated teenager boy is enough, without giving him any advice.
It is not known, how
helping others actually lift your level of well being.
There are tow reasons
for the same.
If you are spiritual,
helping others will give you satisfaction, you may feel your worth. You may find
a purpose and direction in your life. These all aspects will ultimately make
you feel good.
On the other hand, if
you are egoistic, you need to feed your ego daily. Ego is like a monster which
requires regular feeding. By helping others you inadvertently believe that you
have done something for others, and that you are an inch above others, or at
least you are not lower then the average person. There are hundred thousand people
below your slandered. This idea of feeding the ego through helping others is
still a debatable issue. Nevertheless, less this surety work for all person
alike.
More appropriate reason,
as I feel, is the feeling of worth. Someone in the word is there, who need you
help. This necessarily implies that, you are not worthless. A clinical
depression sets in with a strong feeling of worthlessness, uselessness, extreme
self pity. Extreme self guilt and a feeling of pitch dark future. Please know
it for sure; there are pure feeling, your temporary perception of the world and
your future. It has nothing to do with correctness or logical reasoning. Once
you know this and start helping others your mood starts lifting automatically.
This habit of helping others will stop your worthlessness and even prevent you
from taking extreme step of harming yourself.
So, ……………… start helping others. and feel your worth
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